If you’ve experienced loss in the past and are (soon) welcoming a new baby, taking newborn photos can be profoundly meaningful.
Erin and Lane initially planned to have a maternity shoot to celebrate their pregnancy, but after much reflection, Erin realized that a newborn photography session would be more significant.
I asked Erin if she would be willing to share their story with us, and she gladly agreed.
I hope this post offers hope and inspiration to anyone navigating the challenges of loss and longing for a child!
If you’re interested in seeing the results of this session – scroll down.
Early Joy and Ectopic Loss
Erin: When I became pregnant the first time, I was completely overjoyed to see those two pink lines! Something I had dreamed of seeing for years. An ultrasound was scheduled for me right away. I was to be just four weeks.
When I went in for my appointment, they were able to find the baby, but no heartbeat – normal for that age of gestation. My HCG results doubled but they were low. Not only was it looking like I would lose this baby, the baby had not made it down to the uterus, it had attached to my ovary – an ectopic pregnancy.
The grief I felt while waiting for my baby to pass away was unbearable. I remember sitting still for days, praying, grieving. I did not have to take any pills or have a surgery to end my baby’s life. I was so thankful that God was merciful.
Second Loss and Finding Comfort in Faith
Although I was still feeling the heavy grief of my loss, I decided I wanted to try again immediately. A few months later, I was pregnant a second time. I immediately called the doctor’s office to get my HCG tests started. A few days later, a nurse called me with my results; a 52 at 5 weeks along. I immediately broke down in sobs. This baby would not make it either.
In July of 2023, I lost my second baby. At this point, I couldn’t help but sit and question God as to why I keep losing my babies. This one day in particular, I was sitting on my couch when my daily Bible verse popped up on my phone. It read, “When the time is right, I, The LORD, will make it happen.” Isaiah 60:22. Once I read that, I closed my eyes and said out loud: “Okay, Your timing. I trust in You.” I truly meant those words. The very next month, I became pregnant with Claire.
Seeing Claire’s Heartbeat
When I found out I was pregnant for a third time, we were cautiously hopeful, but I was preparing myself to lose this one too. Except this time, everything was going how it should. My HCG levels were high and more than doubled. I was put on progesterone supplementation by my doctor and told that they would see me at 9 weeks for my ultrasound. It was so hard to wait that long!
At the ultrasound appointment, the technician found the baby right away. We saw the heartbeat. Once we got to listen to it we broke down into tears. It was such a magical moment that I will never forget. The nurses congratulated us as we walked out of the room.
She’s here!
Claire came into this world very quickly! We didn’t know if we were having a boy or a girl so once the doctor held her up in the air, my husband said: “It’s a girl!”. They placed her on my chest and my husband cut her cord. She looked up and stared directly into my eyes. It was a beautiful birth.
We knew that Claire was going to be a small baby but when she was finally born she was even smaller than anticipated. Right from the start, she struggled to eat. We were hopeful that she would be able to nurse once we got home, but even when my milk came in she would push me away screaming and crying.
On the fourth night home we were so stressed out we ordered bottles. The next day we learned that she had lost an entire pound. If we were not able to get her weight up then we were going to have to admit her to the NICU.
Kansas City Newborn Photography at 6 weeks
It wasn’t until we were out of the woods that we realized we needed to find a newborn photographer. Claire would be an older baby, 6 weeks and around 7lbs. Our photos look different from traditional newborn photos because she was older, more aware and awake the entire time. This didn’t take away from her photos at all and we are absolutely thrilled with how they turned out!
If I could share something with couples who have experienced loss I’d say this: We don’t always know the nature of God’s ways but keep faith and know that you will hold all of your babies in Heaven where they wait safely for you in the Kingdom of God.
Ania Casanova is a newborn photographer based in Brookside, Kansas City, Missouri, and serves the surrounding areas, including The Plaza, The Crossroads, Leawood, Prairie Village, Overland Park, Shawnee, Mission Hills, Shawnee Mission, and the greater Kansas City area, such as Lee’s Summit and Independence. To ensure you secure your spot, it’s best to reach out and book at least 2 months before your baby is born. However, it’s always a good idea to check for any last-minute availability so you don’t miss the opportunity for those special baby photos!